1.Aware of oneself as an individual or of one's own being, actions, or thoughts.
2.Socially ill at ease: The self-conscious teenager sat alone during lunch.
3.Excessively conscious of one's appearance or manner: The self-conscious actor kept fixing his hair.
4.Showing the effects of self-consciousness; stilted: self-conscious prose.
I'm having a strange moment in my life. I did makeup for a fashion show last night. I'm a ninja type of make up artist, pretty low key and quiet. So I said a brief 'hello' to the other makeup artist. My business cards got passed around randomly. She picked one up and said:
'I'm such a big fan of YOU! I have pictures of your work in my ipod right now!’
So I said,
"Ohhh, thank you. :)"
It feels weird having another MUA be a 'fan' of my work. I appreciate it, but I still feel new in the makeup industry. I'm still learning the business side of things, the artistry side of things, ALL sides of makeup artisty. It feels weirder that some people know my work and my name before they know my face. So, now I'm thinking,
maybe I need to put my face out there more often.
SOME, not all, mua's I know model their own faces, create their own canvases for the world to see. I did that when I first started out a few years ago... but I've been so consumed, passionate, and overwhelmed by makeup that I kinda forgot about me.
So all around me at the show, every one had a memorable look: Bald girl, blond girl, girl with heels, girl with a booty, they all had a LOOK. Then I look at me, and I start second guessing myself: my natural hair, my hippy jeans, my gym shoes, my make up-less face.... So now I'm thinkin’, do I really need to be a 'hot girl' so people can start remembering me? Do I really need to doll myself up like everybody? Heels annoy me, tight clothes annoy me, and as much as I love makeup, even makeup on my face annoys me sometimes. I would much rather dress up someone else before I dress me up.
It's cool that some people know my talents and don't know what my booty or my boobs look like. I'm ok with that.
But now the pressure of being this... this hot looking 'thang' is starting to sink in my brain. Hmm....
And the main reason why I brought this up was because this is the fourth, or fifth time this has happened to me this summer. I know other people's faces with their names, I say, 'Hi! We're friends on facebook/model mayhem!" and they look at me like, '...Ok." but once I tell them my name, or show my work, then a light bulb goes off in their head and they say, "Ohhhhhh!! It's YOU!!"
Andrea Ca'Mille Samuels.
And thank you for remembering my work, but I'd like you to also